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Ok, this is a question that provides very different answers, but in my opinion, it also offers heaps of information and different points of view of what to expect when you are expecting or planning to have a baby.
Before having a baby and even being pregnant, I used to think that being a mom was going to be like in the movies…You have the baby in two seconds, you look amazing while you are pushing in the hospital and after that, your life remains the same but with more love around you.
Well, when I was pregnant I used to dream about what my life was going to be after having my kid, I couldn´t wait to see all happening. Then I had my baby boy and reality kicked in.
It´s true, love is everywhere… but also a lot of worries about heaps of things, it´s also true that you can spend the whole day just looking at that cutie little person, but you will also won´t be able to sleep for the whole night (at least for a while), it´s true that it´s amazing how they change day by day, but so is your life, is not that your life is ending (like some people say), but changes will happen, now you need to organize your life around a baby that needs you, whose life depends on you, literally.
That is why I love to ask this question to moms that I know… What has happened that you didn´t expect or what is different from what you thought it would be?
And below you can see some of those answers, enjoy!
¨My daughter has been suffering and hurting herself and that was something that changed our life. They say that kids come to this world to show parents something in life they don´t know yet, and I´ve learn a lot about me and how to fix all my mistakes. ¨
¨I didn’t imagine that when I have some time for myself because she´s at a sleepover, the only thing I can think of is her. And I can´t help looking at my phone to check if she has text me telling me about how she´s doing instead of relax and enjoy.¨
¨The postpartum and the few first months. I admire those moms that are alone, because I don´t know if I could have been able to do it without my husband.¨
¨All the bad and hard things that motherhood have and that now one told me about. I think is a bit error that most women sublimate motherhood and then it has nothing to do with reality.
I have told all my friends all the bad things about it, and all the hard bits, because I think is easier if you know about them so you can be ready when it happens. I don´t care if I don´t show everyone that everything is fantastic because in my experience, I didn´t have any help with the postpartum and it was very difficult and if I knew about it I would have organized my life in a different way.¨
¨I couldn´t understand why people used to be so worry about kids falling down (it´s only a bump). Know I can see why¨
¨The truth is that I´ve never thought that it was going to be that difficult to catch up with friends that don´t have any kids. When my friends become parents they used to tell me that they didn´t have enough time and I found that difficult to believe, but it´s now happening to me.
8pm is now too late to catch up because is bath time, get dinner ready, etc. and before was the right time to go out.¨
¨Most things were unexpected even if you had heard about them. Realizing that you will have stretch marks for the rest of your life was one of them¨
¨That this new and huge feeling for that little person is also full of worries every day. Things that you never thought about they now all come to my mind. ¨
¨That indescribable and unconditional love that you feel for them¨
¨I never though how intelligent they are even when they are super little. I´m surprise because every day she learns something new. We can tell her something and next time she will know what we are talking about. It´s great!¨
¨I never imagined that I was going to be this happy. And becoming a grandmother just made me fully happy. I can´t be any happier.¨
¨I could never have imagined that my son couldn´t leave without breastfeeding after being 2 years old.¨
¨Breastfeeding. I suppose that like the other pregnant women I imagined myself cuddling my baby, looking at her while she is breastfeeding and getting that mom-baby connection. BIG LIE!
In my experience, breastfeeding has been one of the most difficult things of being a mom, and with a 2 month old baby, I sometimes, thing I can´t keep going and just thing about going to bottle feeding. Breastfeeding is painful when the milk isn´t there, because your baby sucks and sucks but there isn´t much for her, she gets frustrated and you feel bad because you aren´t able to feed her, you are also super tired from the birth and then you have to keep up with a sucker machine that when she doesn’t get what she wants, she will suck until bleed (literally)
But when the milk comes up, things don´t go better, it´s even more painful, your breasts are super full and they seem like they are about to explode, your starving baby, that now has what she wants can´t take the milk out because your breast are like 2 rocks and there is no way she can attach. When she finally attaches, and milk starts to flow, it goes to a point that the baby just struggles to drink all that quantity and choke on the milk.
Meanwhile, I don´t know what to do, because the milk is still flowing, so I check on the baby while all the milk is everywhere. The kid is still hungry and tries to drink awgain and finally she gives up and starts crying and crying.
With time, things seems to go better, but I don´t think so, I just think we get used to everything. My breast still hurts, the baby still chokes, but a bit less. And if during the night she sleeps longer than normal, I have to wake up and pump or I explode.
To all these issues, you need to add the physiologic one. Before, I spoke about ¨the sucker machine¨, and I did it on purpose, because sometimes I just feel like a caw whose goal in life is just produce milk. Thanks God that I´m a realistic person that doesn´t believe in complaining as a solution, so I´ve gone to a point where I think this is an association, I need someone to empty me and she needs someone to feed her, so we both have a function here.¨
¨I never expect to be jealous of my husbands life. i.e. that he gets to shower everyday, have adult conversations, be in rush hour traffic, go to the bathroom by himself, etc.¨
¨The adaptation period since the baby is born until he/she is a few months all. I thought it wasn´t going to be as hard as it is.
You have to adapt to a new little person and he/she needs to adapt to a whole new world. It´s very complicated and I though it was going to be easier and not as intense and hard as it is.¨
¨They always say that life changes when you have a kid and I always thought it was an exaggeration. I realized that is true from the moment where, to make any plans, you need to schedule every single hour with everyone.¨
¨I never imagined that since the moment my kid was born, I would never sleep the same again.¨
¨Constant change in how kids need to be interacted with.¨
¨Realizing that I didn´t know what true love was until I had my baby girl¨
¨What I never imagined is that my life was going to be this way, is a scavenger hunt since you wake up till you go to bed. You can´t delay anything, because you won´t do it. You need to schedule everything and it doesn´t matter if you are sick because they need you¨
Now you see, how different are all the points of view from these mums.
In my personal experience, I never imagined that postpartum was going to be the way it is, I never imagined I was going to love someone that much, I never imagined that I was going to be worried about things that I´ve never thought before, I never imagined how excited I was going to be seeing my kid learning or discovering something new, but what really shocked me is that I never imagined I was going to understand my parents so much in so many things they used to tell me or do when I was a kid… I´ve become a mother and not long ago, I was just a daughter.
So, as I said on one of my posts, every life, mother, family and kids are unique, so this can give you an idea, but I can tell you now, there is nothing better than experiencing it yourself.
Good luck in this journey, I´m sure you´ll do great and you´ll have plenty of unexpected things coming your way, but don´t forget that sometimes unexpected is just magical.