Labor. My personal experience.

Para la versión en español pincha aquí parto-experienciapersonal

Well, as promised, here it goes my personal experience during labor.

I would like you to read this from a point of view where you don’t know what’s going on, because it’s your first time, but also from a funny perspective, as I didn´t have any major problem and now that I think about it I can´t do anything but laugh.

Everything started in Canberra on the 31st of December.

We are in Australia and I have only 10 days left till my due date.

I´m having New Year´s dinner with mum and my husband. Dinner is just fantastic, my mum is such a great cook.
After dinner, we do the typical Spanish tradition of eating 12 grapes at midnight and we have a drink (well, they have a drink) and we listen to some music while chatting about everything in general.

My lover and my mum have already drunk two bottles of champagne, so you can imagine how funny they are.

After a little while, we decide that is time to go to bed.

It´s 2:30 a.m. and I just need to pee (this is pretty normal when you are pregnant) But this time… OMG! It´s like I´m not going to make it to the toilet. I pee and while going back to bed…Hold on! I´m getting older and I can´t control my pee or…shit! I think my waters just broke!

After a few seconds I go next to my husband…
¨Honey, wake up! Wake up! Wake up! ¨
He finally wakes up… (Well, after all that wine and Champaign you weren´t expecting to get him up that easy.)

I explain to him the situation
¨I think we might have to go to the hospital¨
It just takes him a few seconds to react and first thing he says is

Ufffffffffff!! Relax??? I don´t think this is the right way to start.

Ok, I call the hospital, just want to know exactly what do I have to do. They tell me to be calm (as much as possible) and have a shower, after that I just need to go to the hospital to check that everything is going ok.

So, I go wake up my mum (also takes me a bit of time) and go into the shower.

After this, we take our bags and we are ready to go.
But, how do we get to the hospital?
By cab! (someone says) Oh…yes, I think that on the 1st of January, at 3 a.m. in the morning all cabs are just working for us in Canberra.
Obviously we can´t drive there, my husband will blow up the machine if he gets a random alcohol test done and my mum doesn´t have a driver license… GREAT!

So, after 15 minutes waiting for the taxi, I just decide that I´ll be the one taking us there. But… Murphy law. As soon as we get into the car, the cab arrives.

I never thought before that seeing a cab would make me that happy!

We arrive to the hospital.
Note: A few weeks ago when we did the labour courses the midwifes told us where to entry into the hospital, but now we aren´t able to find the door.

We finally get into the hospital and we go to the delivery area.

They take us into a room.
What´s going on? Is there anyone working around here?

The midwife comes and asks for my personal information (DOB, address and full name) Tick!

But this is just the beginning.
¨Now I need you to let me know when you finish with your contraction¨ she says, ¨because I need to check how many centimeters you are dilated

Great! I finish with my contraction and here she goes… fingers inside my body.

-¨You are only 2cm dilated¨ she exclaims.

What???? Only??? That has to be wrong!!! How painful is this going to be when I´m 10?? Oh mama!!!!

She explains to me that we have 2 options… morphine for the pain and staying at the hospital, or some panadol and tablets to sleep and go back home till I can´t hold it longer. OMG! I can´t hold it longer already! Hahaha

Ok, I just decide I´m going home. Soooo lets get another cab! Yay!!

We arrive home, I have all the tablets and go to bed.
You know that sensation when you are just getting sleep and the alarm goes off?? That´s more or less what happened to me.

I wake up after 5 hours sleep, it´s 8 in the morning and thanks God my husband comes with a towel, because as soon as I sit down… All dinner comes out! (Bugger! My mum put so much effort on that dinner)

Well, lets go to the hospital again, this time in our own car. My mum and partner are counting now how long is between each contraction and how long do they last.

We get into the hospital and they take us to the biggest room in the area. And again… check your personal details please.
4cm… This has to be a joke!!! Can´t believe how painful is this and there is still more to come.

Note: Before continuing with this story, just want to let you know that before labor, I used to be very cocky saying that I wasn´t going to have any kind of pain relief.
But at this point I´ve already taken panadol and tablets to sleep.

But lets go on, because more things are happening…

The midwife offers me morphine. I accept it. I´m against drugs but in this scenario I would have anything (legal, of course)
Morphine gets me a bit silly (more than usual) but I still feel the pain.

I have to say that my breath paths are amazing, I haven´t lost control… yet… So that is why I´m not screaming like a little pig.

I already lost track of time. My husband and mum come and go into the room with a coffee, sandwich, croissants… For God shake, how long have we been here??

But this is not even near to the end. I decide that I want epidural. Why not?una.png

They tell me that I can´t have it yet as I´m not dilated enough.
Seriously???? When are you going to get me the epidural??? When half head is out???

How funny are midwifes!!

The future dad of the baby is just looking at me with a very worried face. He asks me if I would like to go for a walk.

I look at him with the expression on my face saying… “No, it might be better if we just run a marathon you know, because I feel so good right now.” HA!

Anyway, I end up going for a walk with him. And this doesn´t happen very often, but he was right. In a walk of 2 minutes, I dilate another 2 cm. This means I can get oxytocin and epidural. Yuhu!! Thank you husband!

While all this is happening my poor mum doesn´t know whether to stay outside of the room, not to see me in pain or inside just in case she needs to help.

My man keeps telling me that I´m doing a great job, something that I appreciate.

Meanwhile, I can´t stop asking my partner to call the midwife because I want the epidural ASAP. 3 times I ask for her and because no one goes after her I decide that I will go and find her myself.

My lovely husband tells me to go back to bed and he goes out. When he comes back he says
¨I´ve already called her, she´ll be here as soon as she can¨(Note: that was a lie, he confessed the next day that he never found the midwife but had to tell me that so I´ll calm down)

The midwife comes after a thousand years waiting and she asks me again for my personal details. After that, she gives me some gas.

My husband explains that I need to breathe within the tube, because if I exhale outside the tube we can all end up a bit dizzy.

But seriously, I don´t really care where the air goes.

He´s taking my hand. My mum is outside, I think she might be 1km away, because she can see me suffer. But because this is painful and I´m screaming, she can hear me from the other side of the hospital.

And lets vomit again. What where you thinking? Pain plus drugs, can´t lead to anything good in your stomach.

Finally they call the anesthetist. And because is public holiday, he´s at his house having a BBQ.

He arrives to the room with shorts, flip flops and sunnies on his head. Oh God!! Where is the blue uniform from the TV shows?? Has he ever washed his hands??

They make me lay on my side. Right now, I don´t even really know how many people are in this room, that suddenly feels small. He introduces himself and asks me for my personal information. Again!

They put something really cold on my back. He is talking to my husband about hobbies and what was he doing at home before… And I´m like… “Please, could you focus on that huge syringe?”

I think he was having clown for lunch as he just tells me:

  1. ¨Do you realize that this is the most embarrassing situation of your life? You are going to be shameless after this. ¨
    Oh… thank you, I didn´t even think about all of that.
  2. ¨Don´t worry, I´ll get it in and out and you´ll be as new.¨ Really?? That’s the best you could tell me in front of my husband?

After all, epidural is done. Thank you anesthetist you were right, I just feel like new.

He just waits 5 minutes to check everything is good and he goes back to his barbeque. Well, he leaves and also the other hundred people that were in the room.

We are now my mum, husband and myself.

The midwife explains to me how the epidural works. If I´m in pain I just have to press a bottom every 15 minutes and the drugs go into my body. Easy!

I can´t feel from hips down but I can see my toes moving.

I ask my mum to bring me a kit kat, I´ll die for a bit of chocolate. And what could be better? Have a break, have a kit kat.

I´m eating the chocolate and enjoying the moment. My mum tells me that she´s very proud of me and that I´m doing fantastically well.

But when I´m relax I start to feel another contraction. What? Shouldn´t this have disappear with the drugs?

I press the bottom.

Nothing happens…

¨Press again¨ someone says.

Seriously, the bottom is almost coming from the other side because of how hard I´m pressing it.

Ok, we are going back to the start. And the kit kat just leaves my body… vomit again.
Well, look at the bight side, just eat a kit kat twice for the price of one. (Revolting…)

Another lie, this time from my mum
¨Don´t worry, the epidural machine is working, but you just need to give it time¨

I ask for the anesthetist again. Ha! He´s already in his bbq (they don´t tell me that but I could imagine) and he´s never coming back.
The midwifes tell me he´s on another delivery.

Well, I´m in my bubble, shouting like an orc, talking in Latin and rolling my head like the girl from the exorcist.

My mum is holding the gas tube in my mouth and my husband is holding my hand.

This is getting less and less funny.

And here it comes the midwife.
¨Give me your hand¨ she says.
So that is what I do.

She takes my hand into my female parts and I can touch my baby’s head.
Fuck! This is happening without epidural. But this is what I wanted, right?
Karma for being so cocky.

¨Ok Laura, put you shit together and lets do this¨, I say to myself.dos.png

The midwife asks if another midwife can come in. She is doing her practices and this is a good experience for her.

I don´t really care, like if the Pope wants to come in and bless the baby.

Well, you can imagine that someone doing the practical experience would be young, maybe on her mid twenties. Not this time. That woman was around 80.

I don´t want to be rude, but is she doing the practical experience with 80? How many times did she take the same subjects? I don´t think this makes me feel very confortable and safe.

Anyway, 11 minutes from that point of time till baby comes out. The head first, with a lot of effort, but is almost done.

Now push… Wait, don´t push… Now breath, don´t breath…

After that, the body comes out with a smaller push.
17:01 How good is that? Never felt more relieved in my life.

They put the baby on my chest. OMG, he´s so little and he´s a bit purple because of the effort.

The placenta comes out. They show it to me (because I ask for it)
Baby is healthy, directly to the boobs (he´s such a man, you can tell)

After a few minutes, they suggest me to have a shower.
¨Best shower of your life¨, they say.

I go into the shower, naked and full of blood, amniotic fluid and much more things.
I shower and go back to see that cutie pie.

They tell my husband to remove his shirt so he can hold the baby and let him feel the heat.
But why?? Mummy is here!!

I new woman comes into the room. This hasn´t finish yet.
¨Hello, I´m coming to stitch you up.¨
What?? Why you didn´t do this before the shower? No, it´s better to make me trust you again and ten… stub in your back!

So, she stitches me (I think she was just doing art, or a jersey because she was there forever)

She finishes and they give me my little one back.
All good. But I just want to rest.

We Facetime with my dad, then with the in laws.
I´m not a hundred percent, so I´m not getting anything they are saying or anything that’s happening around me and this is because with the stitches they put the gas higher and I´m really dizzy. My voice is like if I have a demon inside me.

Everything seems to have finished. They take me to a new room.
Get the baby cover in blankets like a little worm and put him next to me.

See you tomorrow mum, see you tomorrow husband, I need to rest.
They go home. I think they also need to sleep a little bit.

We sleep. But I wake up and I can´t stop looking at that tinny person sleeping next to me.
I can´t believe we have done this. Our baby.

I try to go back to sleep. They baby moves so I wake up again.
He must be so tired because of all the effort he just did.

I go through the night just with him, but in the morning they bring another mum and bub to the room. That baby doesn´t stop crying.

I text my husband to come and pick us up. Being at a hospital makes me feel a bit sick.
My mum comes with him and brings me pancakes with Nutella. Its 8 a.m. so I could eat a thousand of them.

It´s 12 in the afternoon and it´s time to go home.

A new life has begun…



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